excerpt..

...my sister kissed me on the lips and i wanted to cry. it wasn't that i didn't like it. it was just that i didn't know how to articulate what it meant. my sister looked at me with such a lazy haze that i thought she sipped some of daddy's drinks. but i didn't smell anything on her breath. in fact, she kind of smelled like peanut butter, so i was sure she had not been drinking. she said, "they say this is what love feels like. do you feel anything?" i wanted to cry so much. i did not know how to answer her. so i just shrugged. she looked at me and laughed so hard the smell of peanut butter filled the room. she rocked back and forth in the bed, slapping her thighs. "yeah i don't feel anything either", she said. for a long time, i thought i had to marry my sister. my parents were always talking about how close they were. and how they hung out when they were younger. and they almost kind of looked alike. so i always thought they were brother and sister. so when my sister kissed me, i thought we were just starting our beginning. i was sad, though. i loved my sister, but i did not want to marry her....