this was the most profound statement from last year's cult classic, "Garden State". granted, it was from a song and not from a character... but still, i think that was the message i was left with when the film ended. garden state is one of my favorite films. not just cause it is based in my home state, but because its a well written, well shot, amazing film.
beauty in the breakdown.
right now, i believe i am in a phase. a intense self-evaluation phase. i feel like i have an microscope pointed at myself at all times..and i am the sole viewer. however, every now and then, someone will contribute and say
"oh what you wrote isn't as good as your college shit..."
"you dont wanna be the person who is afraid to drive"
"oh i wasnt even paying attention to you"
"i dont love you anymore"
"you have satisfactory paperwork"
like some real honest shit that gets me out of my comfy ass position and makes me think about how i live my life. i think i made the best decision to say fuck DC and move back up to NJ. here, i am away from the familarities of washington, dc, the fake ass muthafuckas, and essentially the allure of georgetown university. here, in new york, i have become a different person. one who is addicted to the truth. about myself and others. and it does hurt when people say i need to improve on some shit because all my life, people have been telling me how talented i am, or how smart i am. (till this day, my friends from middle school champion me as some genius) but i need this. here in new york, sometimes i feel like i aint shit. and ironically, i love it. it makes me work that much harder to be THE shit.
i thank alot of my self-evalution to living in solitude. many times, i come home, go into my basement, listen to music and zone out on my life. i may write some things. i never did this in college. well not as much as i would have liked.
sometimes i catch myself peeking, though.
like when is this BEAUTY gon come?!!?!?
sometimes i feel like i am resting in the crevices of this breakdown listening to radiohead or some shit. lol
but what can you do?
just keep on going.
and look fly doing it.
nah mean.
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Damn Gina.
You let one of them gemini personalities out to play.
NYC is the grind.
And yo' @ss will be in little bits if you are not carefull.
But the otherside to it is HOW motivating it can be to be surrounded by so many over acheivers.
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