you and me (revisited)

if no one wants to believe that what we have is meant to be
then it will be just
you and me
against the world.


hm.

i laid on the floor picking the scab on my chest. the heels of my feet were digged into the dorm room floor. and i looked up at her. as she stood over me, she was curling and uncurling her hair with her index finger, raveling and unraveling random strands of herself. it looked like she was knitting together all her thoughts into a fuzzy quilt that she was gonna cover me with. her eyes looked down at me, but almost past me. i moved my position on the floor so i could align with her eyes. it wasn't working.

are you listening to the words?

she was talking about the words to the song in the background. the music that she turned on as soon as she came in my room. she stepped over me and went to my records. she exhaled when she found this one record.


even my sister said yur scandalous...
said you're known to go to one man to the next...

yes i hear it.

the quilt started to take shape. she closed her eyes and continued to knit.


i continued to pick the scab on my chest, watching her knit. and knit. we were wading in the music behind her. the water splashed her toes when she stepped closer to me. her pretty toes.


the other night, her and i both laid on the floor. she bit my ear and all my unfinished sentences spilled through the spaces of my teeth.

its ok i understand. i do. really.

i looked up at her and her eyes were closed. i smiled and rested my head on her breasts. she rubbed my hair like a child and there was something sweet, something unexplainable about that gesture. i fell asleep right on the fat of her breasts and dreamt of chasing her through washington d.c. i caught her on the key bridge and she cried. she twisted away from me and walked in the opposite direction.

i awoke and she was wearing a purple bra, standing against the kitchen sink. she was laughing hysterically and her stomach caved in with each inhale. all she needed to do was point, and i would think she was laughing at me. but i did not want to think of that as an option. so i didn't say anything besides:

i wanna laugh too.

so.
i love you.
i told her on the elevator going back up to her apartment.
DING.

somebody else, a taller man wearing a Knicks jersey, got into the elevator and stepped right between us. his music was seeping through his white headphones.

i looked over to try to see her, but the man, tapping his feet to blaring headphones, engulfed her tiny frame. she did not utter any word or maybe i did not hear her of she did. if i did not talk to her some seconds ago, i would have thought she wasnt even there.

DING.

the man with the headphones walked off the elevator and she was looking at me, almost searching for something in my eyes. the space where the man was standing remained that way. neither of us budged or invaded the space between us. small crystals fell from her eye.

DING

kgirl: you love me?
chidiiii: yes
kgirl: well i love you too. i always have. i just didnt want to scare you away. i umm
chidi: lol
kgirl: what?! why the lol
chidi: you can never scare me away
kgirl: oh hush with the poetic shit. lol
chidiiii: lol. ok well maybe u can scare me, if you like, stand on a chair
kgirl: shut up loser. you're not making sense, but what's new.
chidiii: lol
kgirl: im coming over.
chidiiii: ok


i laid on the floor and my chest started to pain me. i unbuttoned my shirt and i had a sickle sized scar on my chest.

i could hear her walking off the elevator.
thats when i heard the water drip.
i closed my eyes as if i knew. as if i was taking my punishment, this love, like a man.
i closed my eyes and licked my lips. i can taste her. every inch of her. every sweat trickle that together spell my name. chidi. chidi. she guided me like a child. like a small child learning to walk. instead,i was learning how to love her.
the water continued to drip. drip.
i heard her flipflops sweep the floor. i picked my scab. piece by piece, exposing red flesh. i continued to pick it even though the scabs were gone. i rested my hand there in its memory.

she knocked on the door.
i begged her to come in.
i begged her.